don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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