I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
