Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
