apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
