It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
