she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we made out on top of his cat.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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