There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
