loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
