I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
