Please, let me fuck your mom
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
