youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
