smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
