can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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