He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
