I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
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Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
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Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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