I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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