the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
