Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
