he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
