We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
