He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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