i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
