I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
