dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
