I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
