She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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