When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
