She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
