Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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