Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
