I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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