I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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