i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
