actually, I'm a sock model
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
