is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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