she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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