im having a threesome with these popsicles
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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