he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
