my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
