i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
