Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I party with great urgency now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
