we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
