Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You were trust falling into bushes
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