toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
