That reminds me...we need to get swords
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
