Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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