if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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