Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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