Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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