i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
