Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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