That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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