Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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