he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
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hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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