so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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