I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
