She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
