4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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