Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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