Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
