Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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