Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
