Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
