saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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