I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How's work?
Spinning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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