May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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