I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
