Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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